Everyone knows the importance of "Personal Leadership" in one's life. It is personal leadership that allows one to live the vibrant and fulfilling life that one is longing for.
For me, personal leadership is: "To use my abilities to be at choice."
The main "ability" I am referring to is the ability to be present.
And in order to be at choice, I need not only to be present but also to be MYSELF.
Huh right? Read on...
The other day, my wife and I were driving down Miller Avenue in Mill Valley, on our way to having tea and chocolate in the Marina in Sausalito, when suddenly a car, unaware of our presence, started merging into our lane. The car was about to hit us when, flooded with a huge rush of adrenaline, I stepped on the breaks. The driver of that car obviously had had no clue that we were in the lane right next to him! What happened next was very interesting to me...
After the initial fear, which caused me to take rapid action and save the situation, anger arose in me. Who were those lunatics?! I had an urge to find out and "let them have it". I laid on my horn.
It was a car full of high school kids. Before I could drive up next to them, there was a laps of time long enough for me to recompose myself, ground and get clear, but I chose not to. I say I chose, because my inner voice of wisdom was telling me to let it go, not to react, stay present with my inner experience and take responsibility for my feelings, but another part of myself, a more miserable part of me wanted some form of retaliation, make someone else responsible for my emotions and make them miserable too. And I chose to drive up and tell them kids, with an attitude of rectitude, to keep their eyes on the road.
Christi looked at me and said: "Oh my, I've never seen you like this before!" And we started laughing about the jerk I had become for a moment!"
What struck me about this situation is that, in that moment, I hadn't been myself, AND I had actually consciously chosen to not be myself. I had become my reaction and started creating my reality AS my reaction. Not as ME. Now why would I do that?! I had used my power of free will to go unconscious, react, indulge in my reaction, and by doing so loose dominion over my present experience AND over my future.
Yes, over my future too. What goes around comes around right? The energy I put out today WILL come back to me tomorrow...
And I want to make sure that what goes around from out of me, is aligned with what I value and believe in! And it is in my commitment to that, that resides my Personal Leadership. And this requires that I be the authentic "ME", whose response-ability includes responsibility, as always as possible.
It is when I am truly MYSELF that I can choose what Buddhists call "right action".
Every time we choose to let anger inform our thoughts and actions (notice that as personal leaders we are taking responsibility for this CHOICE), we are actually participating in an energy of war in the world. We are in a state of consciousness that contributes and supports wars in the world. I know this might sound a little dramatic or esoteric. But science, with every advance, is confirming the validity of ancient spiritual teachings of the interconnectedness of all things. Quantum physicists discovered that matter literally changes depending on who observes it.
It is the consciousness of the observer that creates the reality.
So here is what you need to understand:
Whatever you do in the privacy of your own home, mind and heart is not as private as you might think, and it affects the whole.
See how responsible we really are?
When you react, indulge in your reaction, and let your reaction inform your thoughts and actions, you stop being YOU, and really, you are a threat to the common good. Think about it: who is present when you aren't? Who's making decisions, acting, talking, thinking?
My mentor Patrick O'Neil says: "Reactivity is a sign of misplaced personal leadership."
I'll even say that "Reactivity is a sign of a misplaced YOU."
Okay, so get this! As you slow down your thoughts in that moment of reaction, you might notice that the velocity of the mind can be such that it easy to skip over the fact that it is actually us who are making the choice of going unconscious. But the truth is, that there is this moment where we are choosing to react instead of using our personal leadership abilities to stand by our true selves, and we loose an opportunity to create something truly NEW for ourselves and for a world in dire need of a new way. YOU can open that new way, by using your Personal Leadership abilities.
WOW, isn't that empowering?
Let's look at places where it's easy to react and abandon ourselves. Notice as you read through the examples, what your energy does, and notice what specific examples trigger the strongest reaction:
- A letter from the IRS, you're being audited.
My survival program kicks in. Adrenaline shoots through my body. Fight or flight.
- The presence of a specific family member.
I regress to dynamics that are long obsolete.
- A big fat chocolate brownie is offered to you.
The desire for it takes over. A "program" is running you. You can't resist even though you had previously decided not to have any for a while, because some of the ingredients are making you tired or even sick.
- Your partner, or a sexy hunny you just met, promises you good sex in one hour.
Another program is activated. The sex program. Now you have this heat emerging in your core and rising up to your head. You can't wait. You're already fantasizing and can't be present with your child who really needs your attention right now. Or you're driving and are not as present and are not driving as safely as you normally would.
- You're opening a letter from your employer, you're definitely fired.
Yikes!
- You played the lottery and you're watching as all your numbers are being drawn one by one! You just won 85 million dollars! You go to the lottery head quarters to cash in your jackpot and find out that your ticket was for the previous week.
No comment.
Did you notice any changes in your experience, your energy, your emotions while reading through? Which situation is more likely to stray you away from YOU and your personal leadership, and send you on a loop of unconscious reactivity?
Mind you, there is nothing wrong with having a banquet of feelings in the celebration of one's life! The question is "Are you having those feelings or are they having you?" In other words; are you maintaining your ability to be present/be you/be at choice, and thus do what's called for in service of the higher good in any given situation, or are you abandoning yourself to a pattern or a reaction and can't help anyone because of it?
Ask yourelf:
Who are you when you aren't you?
When do YOU give up your right to be YOU?
What's the cost?
What do you know will help you in staying present and being your empowered/clear SELF all the time?
Good intentions aren't enough. It is vital that we, as conscious people, are aware of the times and places when we aren't present/us, and commit to do EVERYTHING WE CAN to BRING US BACK!
Because...
YOU is the most precious thing you have.
YOU is the most precious thing your family has.
YOU is the most precious thing the world has.
So here is one tool you can use when you start loosing yourself/react. It is from the Buddhist tradition:
Place your awareness on your different senses, one after another.
What are you hearing?
What are you seeing?
What are you smelling?
What are you tasting?
What are you touching?
Keep circling from one sense awareness to the other without getting hung up in any particular one, and you'll find yourself disengaging from the drama and becoming YOU again.
When you apply yourself to using your abilities to be present and be YOU, you are engaging your personal leadership abilities and create more freedom in your life. You become more response-able, responsible, and the world is a better place for it.
Congratulations on all the work you've done so far in your life! Keep going, stay engaged with your process, and savor the fruits of a well invested mind and heart.
