See why I couldn't resist?! ;-)
On the beach, the day faded away and the night’s star-studded blanket slowly covered the sky. Yet I was surprised to observe a strange and compelling orange light in the distance. “Do you guys see that?” I asked. No one answered but I heard our hostess say, “At least no one ate those brownies.” What?! No way - had I just eaten a HASH BROWNIE?? Yes I had, and a big one at that since it was such a rare indulgence and I knew it might be a while before I enjoyed one again.
After a while, we walked back to the house where we all engaged in great conversation, but soon I couldn’t sit anymore - I had to lay down. I said to Christi, “we have to go.” She had no idea I had eaten a hash brownie and was surprised because I had seemed to be enjoying myself and the night was still young.
Our goodbyes were unconventional to say the least. I felt compelled to tell our hostess that she was an opening for parallel dimensions to come through and manifest in our reality; that she was not unlike the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland; that her furniture was so unusual and representative of her wild alter ego… And I was convinced that she knew exactly what I was talking about!
Christi drove us home, and the trip was incredibly enlightening. I looked out the window and didn’t recognize anything; I had no idea where we were, felt completely disoriented and was utterly frightened. Then Christi asked me for directions, and I watched myself respond with computer-like precision as to where we were, where we were going, how long it would take until our exit and the distance between here and there. WOW! And a moment ago I thought I was LOST?! How did I know all that?
It was then that I realized “I” had many layers. I identified three main layers that I had become aware of: “The Little Me”, the “Knower” and “Pure Awareness”.
The Little Me was small, frightened and powerless.
The Knower knew things the way a super-computer would. It had access to my subconscious memory banks, and was able to compile disparate information to create exact maps of material reality.
Pure Awareness was simply a neutral witness to the drama.
My experience changed moment-to-moment depending on which ‘I’ I was identified with or focusing through. At times, the Little Me would take over and I would feel powerless, vulnerable and scared. Then the Knower would show up and I’d feel confident, sure and in control. At these times I even experienced the Little Me being in awe of the Knower as a child might be of someone older, like “WOW!! How did you do that??” Then Pure Awareness would emerge and witness the dance between the two. There was a degree of neutrality in that space that made the very idea of judgment inconceivable. In that total acceptance ‘IS-ness’, beyond right and wrong, I felt liberated.
This multi-dimensional roller coaster went on and on, and any attempt I made to describe my experience and insights to Christi in the car was hysterical. I would try, then shut up for 15 minutes and try again: “So… there is this Little Me…” And we’d burst out laughing!
A few days later I went surfing and the waves were huge.
I got scared, but because of my experience on New Year’s day, I recognized him right away – Little Me was back! Yet I experienced him differently this time, bringing my awareness immediately to the Knower, who knew right away that all would be well. I now had experienced that The Knower was always there and knew exactly what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. Indeed, in amidst the dangerous waves, the Knower started drawing out a perfect rescue plan. I then became Pure Awareness again observing “the dance,” and all fear disappeared.
If we only knew how much support we always have just inside ourselves alone, our lives would look very different.
We‘d dare to dream more extravagantly, even believing ‘six impossible things before breakfast’ like the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland!
We’d take more chances, taking our Little Self out of the driver’s seat of our life and instead putting it in service of our expanded Self’s intentions.
We’d be able to let go of so much nonsense that Freedom would be our middle name, Love would our last name, and our first name would be ever-changing to honor the always-manifesting creativity of our Divine Nature.
